WARNING: LONG ASS CONFESSION OF GUILT AHEAD.


Ok so I'm probably doing this for no apparent reason, seeing as I'm nothing but a disturbed fail troll, however it's probably better that I do this. For those of you who don't know or prefer not to know, stop reading now.

Ok so basically, 2 or so aeons ago, Demoneyes and I were friends, yeah? Things were cool and everything was pretty chill. However during those times, I was heavily engrossed with the Furfandom. Mostly pertaning to the artwork. Now the furfandom is commonly seen in a dark light, I don't blame anyone for thinking that. However, to stereotype everybody in that fandom as a "animal fucker" or "cartoonophile" or whatever that'd be called, is taking it a bit too far.

In regards to the furfandom, it originated many years ago as just a small group of people who through cartoon animals were cool. It had nothing to do with them physically drawing themselves having sex with said characters. However somewhere along the line it corrupted into what we have today as most of the furry population are infact gay and sexually active.

Since I wanted to consider myself part of that fandom (for whatever reason) I decided to draw furry nudes and pornography. I would share these pictures with Demoneyes who would either calmly look at them and be like "meh.." or just spaz at it. I took them in a positive light and continued to show her my artwork seeing as she never seemed too disturbed.

We were pretty good friends, I was able to visit her house once or twice, and we'd spend time playing games together. I trusted her alot and valued her more than alot of other people I knew. I told her some of my secrets as well. Then Summer popped around and we arranged to spend more time over the summer together, however that never really came around. School scheduals were handed out and I wanted to see if I had any classes with her. However, I'd call multiple times and I'd recieve no response. So then school started...

First thing I did was head torwards south house office to speak with my SW. On my way there I ran into her. She came towards me, pointing her finger at me and saying we needed to talk immediately. She came right out in front of a bunch of freshman saying we should not be friends and she doesn't care what I do anymore and left. I kinda just stood there thinking "...Ok" I walked off and later felt really depressed. I had lost my friend.

I am typically really clingy to my friends so I wanted to save this friendship. I arranged a meeting between me and her through my SW's help. She ended up telling me that over the Summer, during her Manga classes, a friend told her all the stereotypes of the furfandom (which I will admit, I did fall under some of them -the artwork and what not-). And she wanted to cut connections with me because she was honestly sick of all of it.

I tried persuading her that I wasn't like the stereotypical furfag, however she told me that she'd rather just keep to her old friends then branch out. So instead of accepting her decision, I made a bad move by continuing to try to be her friend. I found out during our 6th hour that she had a DA so I thought it would be nice to at least try to befriend her on there. So I hopped on my old account (this one) and left her some nice comments and constructive critism.

The next day I wake up and after coming back to DA I find "I know who this is, no smut on my page, this includes you". So I get really upset and I start writing this paragraph about how I want to be friends, and such. Her response: "blah blah yap yap dribble dribble dribble" so then I get ANGRY, and type this essay about how she's all wrong and what not. and it continues.

It gets to the point of her telling me my art's corruption and whatever and we just kept it going until my SW pulled me away out of class one day to talk to her again. She told me that the things I said to her made her upset and she wants me to leave her alone. I finally understood and we ended things there. So I thought.

Eventually I faded out of the furfandom. It was a phase just like everything else I'd ever go through. The more and more I got into it, the more I realized it was just a corruption of a better fandom that died out. As of now, I am no longer a furfag. I still however have anthro characters and still look at non-sexual anthrophomorphic artwork.

So anyway, Midway through the year, I went to Demoneyes's page for no reason whatsoever, maybe out of sheer boredom. I originally planned to take no action but as I browsed through her gallery, I found certian images that disturbed me. Her "I kill furries" series of images.

Now it's not the fact that she hated on furries. She has a right to hate what she wants, however, when you see one of your own creations in half of the pictures, it can get to you. So instead of taking direct action, I go to school with the images and tell my SW about it. He told me to wait, however I was impatient and decided if he won't do anything about it now, I'll do something about it. This is the part I regret the most.

Upon searching further into her page, I read one of her journals saying that her father passed away. At first, I felt bad for her, but I was an ass and instead of leaving something nice. I used it as an excuse to spam her page with endless patterns of "YIFF YIFF YIFF" or "YOU HAVE ZERO TALENT" and such.

She caught on to me, and asked if it was infact me. I admitted it and that got me into a world of trouble. Didn't see it coming, thinking that out of school happenings aren't punishible by the school. After coming back to school I was then pulled into the main office, and was told off. I was then sent to another school to do an inhouse-suspension program.

Once I returned, I was sent back later, because apparently, there was a kid who brought a gun to school while I was gone, unbeknownst to me. I was in the library, checking my email and printing things out, and there were people in the library telling me to get out. Someone grabbed me by the arm and was trying to force me out and I freaked out on the guy and got sent back.

Then once again I came back and soon after (maybe like half a month later) I was sent back. It was during 4th hour. There were people trying to present their projects to the class, but everyone was being disrespectful, not paying attention at all. So instead of staying quiet like I typically do, I told everyone to shut up.

Then Demoneyes who was in the back of the class told ME to shut up and then I just kinda blanked for a bit, forgetting where I am. A classroom. I got up, took my pencil threw (and missed) it at her and swore lots of profanities at her. I spent the rest of the year at inhouse.

So then here we are with THIS summer. Many shits have already hit the fan, but it still doesn't stop there. I continued with it even over this summer, with an ED article about her, which I never planned on finishing. And so that was it.

Then today I came to my page and noticed I gained a few comments. I find out that she's figured out that I starting writing that page and her friends are also on my page, calling me furfag and what not. So I decide to write THIS...


So WHY did I write this? Well in general, after summing it up, who seems to be more at fault here, Demoneyes or myself? I'm pretty aware that it's mostly me. I did MANY bad things to Demoneyes, in which most she doesn't deserve. I don't think that an apology would fix anything however, despite how much I wish it would. I've been thinking alot lately. About my past and how I just want to escape it half the time, but I can't do that. Especially with this problem in particular.

Demoneyes, you will experience many things in your life that you will not be able to tolerate and when that time comes, keep a level head, unlike me, who was very impulsive and ignorant.

So in turn, my final message to you is

Sorry.

It's a pretty hollow word at the point, but I can't say anything else.I lost a good friend and in the end, it was all my fault.

Keep posting and don't think of me as a bad person anymore. I enjoyed the days we shared as friends and I'll cherish them for as long as I live. But for now, I guess it's goodbye.

~~~I originally thought that trying to atone for what I did by having one more shot would be something worth experiencing, but I'd never be able to live with myself if I hurt you any further, and I think I made a large enough impression on your life. So this is the last you'll ever hear of me.~~~

So yeah.

Sorry.